I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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