you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
