I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
