the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
