That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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