Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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