Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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