I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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