i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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