ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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