Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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