unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
