dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
