Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
