You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
