im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
