he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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