Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I enjoy the company of your penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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