wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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