I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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