Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
