I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
