But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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