i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
