Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
