i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
