I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
