nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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