just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
