Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
