It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
