man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize