I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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