I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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