It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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