Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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