I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
