I cannot find my penis.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
