It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
