I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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