well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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