my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
