he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk is a universal language darling
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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