I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
