what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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