She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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