She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
