I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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