i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
