It's Friday. Sex?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
