Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it's like iHOP with fire
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
