He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize