If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
