I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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