I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize