Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
