Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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