I heard we made out
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
