So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize