three words: i give head
three words: not that well
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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