Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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