I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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