if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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