this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
