So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
