So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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