I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
