Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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