i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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