Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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