Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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