He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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