my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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