He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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