I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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