I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
